“Why do you talk about your illness so much?”
This tends to be a frequently asked question for me. So, let’s talk about it.
Believe it or not, my biggest insecurity is my chronic illness. This may come as a shock as it is something that I am very vocal about. Normally when someone is insecure about something they tend not to bring attention to it. For me it is quite the opposite-- and here’s why. Not only do I fight a battle with my body, I also fight a battle with my brain. Half the battle with any form of chronic illness is the mental burden that it carries. Even with my diagnosis, I sometimes can’t help but feel like a burden. I worried people wouldn’t want to be my friend if I cancelled plans again, so I pushed through even when I wasn’t feeling well. I was anxious about getting stared at when I left class to take care of my symptoms, so I would stay in class until I passed out in my seat. I was so used to being told by my doctors that it was “just stress”, that I believed I was just over exaggerating and there actually was nothing wrong with me.
So, I guess, talking about my health problems is my way of reclaiming them. My illness does not have to be a source of shame. It can be something that I embrace. So much of my health problems are out of my control so whatever I can control I will. This illness is a part of me and I am reclaiming it for what it is-- one of the many things that make up me.
With love,
Sabrina
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